It’s been just over 6 weeks since I wrote my first Kaleidoscope Kids post, lamenting the lack of imagination in kids clothes and calling for all colours for all kids to become the norm. In that time the Bean has been mistaken for a girl because of his bright clothes several more times, and one (very mean and silly) lady laughed at him outright for wearing woolly tights. Not so great.

In the same period, however, I’ve found out lots of you feel the same. Hannah from Seeds & Stitches wrote an excellent post on unisex clothes, describing how she and blog partner Davina pulled Clarks up on their pointless gender-dividing of kid's shoes (Clarks apparently listened). She also explains very eloquently why limiting children's clothes to just a couple of restrictive stereotypes is not a great idea - I highly recommend a read. 

So that was good, and you’ve also been wonderful in tagging your #KaleidoscopeKids pictures on instagram. This is definitely totally great. As promised, here is a round-up of my favourite ones. I’m also sharing some more of the outfits the Bean has picked for himself lately (all hasty phone snaps though, sorry!).

Your #KaleidoscopeKids on IG: 

The tractor/tutu/monster-loving Busby at Make, Do & Push! | Little Rocker Baby at You Baby Me Mummy | @aoifekids funky little chap

The Bean's #KaleidoscopeKids outfits: 

"I always look on the bright side" t-shirt by Circo | Cow t-shirt & socks by Frugi | Owl tights by Frugi | Little Libby (girl's!) leggings by Frugi  and Blue Monkey fleece | Raincloud jacket by Frugi and spotty leggings by me! | Gruffalo t-shirt from Next

I’ve had so much fun looking at all these fabulous, imaginative outfits, so thank you to all of you who’ve been taking part.

In the meantime we’ve also had a minor trouser-crisis here at Casa P&P, in the sense that the Bean decided to shoot skywards and over half of his bottoms have had to be put in the “too small” pile. Since we’re still a long way off cracking out the shorts, the search for fun and comfy mid-season trousers/leggings is on.

But here’s the thing: it’s so. damn. hard. Since my long-legged one (how did that happen? Not due to my genes, I can tell you) is already at the top end of the 2-3 yr age range, I’ve been trying to get 3+ bottoms for him that are not navy blue, grey, or khaki. Or, even worse, army camouflage, because why on earth would a 3-year-old need to look like they’re off to go and blow someone up?

Trying to stay away from these awful stereotypes, but failing. My favourite brand on the high street, The Gap, is a sea of grey/beige/navy blah. My even more favourite non-high street brand, Frugi, who’s organic baby & toddler stuff is beautifully made as well as bright and fun, has a style lobotomy beyond 3+ and just offers you navy, deep red, or dark green. No leggings for boys anymore either, because clearly only girls want to be super-comfy...

It makes me so sad, all this. It's not that I dislike blue, and I’m okay with wanting to stay away from pink and sparkles, but what happened to yellow and turquoise and grassy green and sunset orange? Why does everyone assume 3+ boys just want dark dark dark as a colour? Am I being utterly naive in thinking a 4-year-old boy would not wear a bright orange t-shirt?

I took to twitter in despair, and fortunately it turns out there are some amazing independent boutiques and brands out there that stock really, really unisex kids clothes. Here are some of my favourite bottoms:

My #KaleidoscopeKids wishlist: 
1. Banana Leggings from The Little Geekery Company | 2. Boys&Girls Harlequin Leggings | 3. Indikidual Chicken Leggings | 4. Tootsa Macginty Safari trousers | 5. Slugs & Snails Ivor Spider tights | 6. Duns yellow leggings from loveitloveitloveit

What do you think? Some of these clothes are quite expensive (and, at the moment, out of my price range) but I love them. I also think it’s important to support these brands and retailers, so I’ve shared them here. And I live in hope that I can nab me a few bargains in the sales later this year. Or that someone wants to send us some bottoms to try because, you know, we are having a growth-spurt crisis here ;-)

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This week I'm honoured to be co-hosting the Share the Joy linky with the lovely Michelle from the Bod for Tea blog. I first "met" Michelle when she let me write a piece for her Parenting Around the Planet series, and I've followed her blog ever since. The Share the Joy linky is a truly lovely idea:

All genres are welcome at Share the Joy - new posts or old favourites. Posts that might have 
made you laugh out loud, opened your heart, raised your spirits or just made you smile!

How could anyone not want to get behind that? So a huge thanks to Michelle for giving me the opportunity to co-host with her, and hold the very first blog link-up at this blog at the same time!

Each week, Michelle picks a favorite post and features it on the following week’s Share the Joy link up (she's also made a Pinterest board where you'll find all her favourites in one place). 

My personal favourite from last week's link-up is "Sometimes we just have to press on" by Claire from Joy & Pops. She writes about the need to push through the hard times - the tiredness, the grind - of parenthood, but how it is equally important to give everyone a chance to just rest or even mope sometimes, kids included. She ought to be on holiday in Spain right now, and I hope she's getting the chance to recharge her spirits!

This week I'm sharing a post I wrote in January 2014, exactly three years after we arrived in Milan. Right now it seems like a particularly poignant post to me again: we are very likely to be moving on to pastures new before 2015 is up. Reminding myself that, despite the initial challenges, we managed to make a happy home for ourselves here is helping me to get past the fear of another round of changes, cardboard boxes and administrative nightmares! So here it is: "You've come a long way, ragazzi".

Now on the linky!

Let's Share the Joy!

1) Link up the posts that have brought you JOY – Writing them might have made you laugh out loud, opened your heart, raised your spirits or just made you smile. All genres are welcome, new posts or old favourites and as many links as you like!

2) Link back either by including the Share the Joy badge (below) or a text link back to this Share the Joy linky page in your own post.

3) Please comment on one of your hosts' posts and a few others. Let’s Share the JOY through commenting as well as through our posts!

Share the Joy will run for a whole week until the following week's linky is open, so you'll never be too late. And don't forget to tweet me or Michelle the url to your post using the hashtag #sharethejoylinky so we can retweet it.

Feel free to invite your friends to join in - JOY is always better when it's shared!

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If you like crochet, you won’t have failed to notice that poncho fever has swept across the UK: magazine Simply Crochet published a pattern for a fringed, collared number and it versions of it have been popping up everywhere.

So who was I to resist joining in? It had been a while since I’d made anything for myself, and I had enough  yarn left over from other projects.

In the end my poncho turned out quite different to the Simply Crochet one; I left out the ribbed collar as I wanted something a bit more lightweight, and I thought a bobbled edge was more “me” than the fringe. The lack of fringe makes it a bit shorter (it sits just above my elbows), but as I like to wear it around the house I think this actually makes it more practical.

I used two completely different yarns. Not orthodox perhaps but I think the colours go together beautifully and it was a good way of using up the tiny bits of blue I had lying around!

From left to right:

Lanar Milano no. 449, Lanar Milano no. 826, WI Soft & Smooth Aran Biscuit, WI Soft & Smooth Aran Grey, WI Soft & Smooth Aran Cream

For the granny trebles I used a 6 mm inline hook. I then switched to a  5 mm tapered hook for the bobbles, as I find inline hooks snag more easily when you’re trying to pull up multiple loops!

I really like the bobbles, though I should add that I did not come up with them myself. I found an image on Pinterest, and worked the stitch out from there. Unfortunately the link is corrupt and I haven’t been able to find out who the image, and therefore the motif, belongs to. If you know, please get in touch so I can acredit it.

Regardless of what you're working with - a poncho, a granny square blanket - you need to make a row of double crochets (single crochets if you're in the US) first. This will give you a much neater finish than if you were to work straight into the granny trebles (doubles). Make sure that the total number of DCs (SCs) is divisible by two.

Once you've done your row of DCs (SCs), wrap your yarn around the hook once, insert into any DC (SC), and then yarn over

Pull through the DC (SC), then yarn over again

Pull through both loops on the hook to complete the first DC (SC). You will have a loose tail, but as you come all the way around your work, you can slip stitch into this first DC (SC) and then sew in the tail with a wool needle.

To make a bobble, yarn over and pull up a loop (about as tall two chains) in-between the "legs" of the DC (SC)

Repeat [YO, pull up a loop] two more times (so three times in total), until you have seven loops on your hook

Yarn over and pull through all seven loops on your hook to form a bobble

chain once to "lock" the bobble

Skip one* stitch, the DC SC) once into the next stitch

And repeat!

*Note: You could also skip two stitches instead of one. The poncho would be less "wavy" at the bottom as a result. This is purely down to personal preference, but if you do skip two stitches you need to make sure that the total number of DCs (SCs) on your work is divisible by three. 

The pattern for this poncho is by Simone Francis. It appeared first in Simply Crochet #25 and is available for purchase now on Ravelry.

Copyright for the bobble edge tutorial images belongs to Eline Alcocer and may not be reproduced in any way without prior written consent. You are welcome to make and use this bobble edge as you wish, but please do not sell it as a pattern nor claim the pattern as your own. Please link back to this page if you write about the tutorial in any way. Thank you and happy crocheting!

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There are certain things about parenthood that should come with prior warning. The luminous green newborn poo. The seismic shift of the first smile. How you really will stop caring whether your hair is tidy, the way the very concept of “sleep training” is a cruel joke dreamed up by the childless, the fact that you won’t get bored of the cuddles and gummy grins, ever.

All that, and probably more, but especially also: the sudden developmental leaps. The ones that you know will happen one day, that you want to happen, but that knock you for six regardless. A couple of weeks we said goodbye to these:

Or rather, the Bean said goodbye to his nappies. The box is still sitting in the hall, ogling me through the doorway as I type. I’ve yet to figure out where to stash it in our full-to-the-brim flat. I eyeball it back and think, but you’re all so pretty…

At 2 years and 3 weeks, the Bean has moved on to underpants, potties and the mini-toilets at the nursery. This is a truly GREAT thing: it is another step towards much-desired independence, it means much less laundry for me, it is an excuse to buy cute Gruffalo pants. The Bean is proud and pleased as punch, as well he should be. It’s an amazing thing.

And yet, just like when he first started careering about on two feet, or yelled BYE BYE at the nursery drop-off instead of crying, this change is bittersweet. It is also a reminder that the day he no longer needs us, much less wants us, is approaching ever faster. It must be found, this independence, but I can’t shake the feeling that it is profound rather than ordinary. And yet I know it’s just me: to him going to the loo is now as ordinary as having milk and a cuddle before bed. Thank goodness there are still cuddles before bed.

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For this month's contribution to the My Expat Family link-up I'm bringing you something very different: an interview with another expat family! 

Emilia first contacted me a couple of months ago to tell me about her and husband Aidan's online business, My Family Nation, and to see whether we could collaborate in any way. After learning that they sell beautiful, unique and ethically-sourced products for babies, children and their parents, I didn't hesitate: their ethos perfectly reflects our own values, and proves that being a parent in our materialist society does not necessarily mean being wasteful or giving up on your ecological and social values. 

We decided on an interview because I wanted to learn more about the people behind the brand, and so I hope you'll enjoy reading about Emilia and Aidan's incredibly interesting journey and gorgeous family as much as I did!

Q: First, let’s find out a little about the two of you. Where are you from originally and how did you meet?

A: Aidan and I met in Kabul Afghanistan in 2002 when we were both working for the United Nations, him as advisor to the Minister of Finance (Ashraf Ghani, currently the President of Afghanistan) and I was working to support the development of the justice system.  It’s a place few would think romantic in the traditional sense of the term, but for Aidan and me it has been a life changing experience in more ways than one and we are very attached to Afghanistan and its people.

Aidan is part English part Irish and I am Italian, from Florence (although my mum claims she has gypsy origin due to her very mysterious last name!).

Q: Though you’ve settled in Florence, you’ve been all over the world. Could you tell us about your previous journeys and what brought you to Italy eventually?

A: I got the expat bug when I lived in the US as a child. My father went as a visiting professor several times and I spent 4 months in Seattle when I was 7 and then a full year in Cleveland, Ohio when I was 13. I enjoyed the challenge of a new language and new perspective and I have since taken career choices that involved travel and changes! I have studied international human rights law in the US and the UK and worked in several countries in Europe and Asia. After a 2 years assignment in Afghanistan, I found the regional job with the UN in Bangkok a wonderful opportunity to work with over 20 very diverse countries and enjoyed the challenge of dealing with different cultures and expectations. Aidan also studied in France as well as the UK and then spent one year volunteering in Cote d’Ivoire with an NGO when he was 18 (having raised money to support himself). He then worked in development in most continents and, while his heart is in Asia, he has also had the opportunity to spend more time in Africa and Latin America. He enjoyed his regional job in Bangkok but he had to deal with many humanitarian emergencies starting with the Tsunami and finishing with the earthquake in Haiti that took him away for several weeks at the time and eventually this had taken a toll on all of us. Aidan and I, both on regional jobs, were traveling twice a month to different countries while trying to raise 2 small kids. It was stimulating but difficult. So we thought we could stop for a while in a country where one of us had family and roots and do something different. I was pushing for the UK and Aidan for Florence. We ended up here in Florence and I think we did the right thing for the moment, but I get itchy feet every so often and think of a possible next destination be it with Family Nations or the United Nations!    

Q: How do your two kids, Flavia and Tancredi (beautiful names!) fit into the picture? Were they born abroad or do you find yourselves with a pair of little Italians? How have they taken to their expat lives?

A: Flavia and Tancredi were born in Bangkok. While they do not hold a Thai passport (Thai law requires that at least a parent be Thai by birth for a child to be a Thai national), they love the fact that they are born in Thailand and firmly assert that they are part Italian, part British and part Thai! Flavia in particular (who was 4 when we left Thailand) is very attached to the idea of having a diverse background and considers Bangkok her home as much as Florence. Tancredi was only 2 when we came to Florence so he is growing up more Italian in heritage. They are both interested in other languages and we get often visitors from our previous jobs dropping by in Florence that come from all over the world and this stimulates their curiosity and interest in other languages and parts of the world. While we have not been back to Bangkok since we left in 2011, we do make a point to speak regularly on skype with friends there. We also visit Aidan’s family in the UK (England and Scotland) at least once a year and have an English-speaking au pair living with us plus we speak English at home to make sure they keep bilingual.

Q: What would you say is the best thing about living in Italy, and what do you find is the biggest challenge for your family?

A: At risk of sounding stereotypical, my favourite things about living in Florence are: the weather, great fresh food, produce and ingredients, nature that we can enjoy with walks and picnics, the general natural and artistic beauty that surrounds us (we’ve just come back from a trip in Val D’Orcia and it is hard to beat) and a general mellowness that is pleasant and relaxing. Also being close to family and giving our kids a chance to grow some ‘roots’. The hardest bits I find are (the usual): bureaucracy, lack of consistency in applying rules and generally an expectation that the rules, forms and even signs in museums should be written to show off how clever or ‘learned’ the person who wrote is, rather than to genuinely be helpful. It’s due to top down style of education and it bothers me a bit that our kids are also exposed to some of this at school. But we work to counter it by setting a different example. I also personally am very upset by how women have very little standing in society still and men do not share equally in household responsibilities. It makes me scream and I find it unbelievable that this country does not understand that they are not making full use of 50% of their best resources!

Q: You set up your own business, Family Nation, in 2012. Can you give us a brief insight into how you came to that decision?

A: Aidan and I had been working in development for 15 years and were ready for a new challenge. Having had babies ourselves in a very mixed, international environment like Bangkok, we came across so many different traditions as well as baby products from different countries. We enjoyed the exchange with other new parents. Becoming parents is such a unique, special moment in the life of a person that it can create a true feeling of bonding across nations and cultures. We did some research and thought there was a niche in the market at least in Italy and we decided to take the plunge, leave Asia and move to Florence!

Q: Starting a business in a foreign country probably isn’t for the faint-hearted. Can you share your top three tips for people wanting to set up a business in Italy?

A: This is a good question. Aidan and I have actually thought about writing up our experience in setting up an online business in Italy. Our three tips would be: persevere and if you think the idea is good don’t get brought down by those who tell you that there is no way this can work in Italy; get a good accountant with whom you can communicate and is able to explain concepts clearly and simply if possible or at least someone you can trust; don’t let your standards of quality or service be brought down if others do not offer the same level, but impress by having unprecedented standards of quality and service as customers appreciate it no matter where they are from!  

Q: Tell us a little about Family Nation’s philosophy - what sets you apart from other retailers of baby, children & maternity products?

A: I think what sets us apart from other retailers of baby and maternity products is the passion with which we run every aspect of the business and the fact that we truly believe in each and every product we sell. We love choosing our brands carefully and we can detail all the benefits of each product. Most of them we have either used ourselves or we have followed a recommendation of another parent we trust. We also love talking to our customers, helping them to choose the best item for them and we take pride in providing an outstanding shopping experience with a real ‘human touch’. Finally we bring the values to Family Nation: we work with small and independent brands that are trying to do the right thing by being responsible and we are proud to be their partners.

Q: I have several friends who are expecting babies this year and so I’m on the lookout for gifts that are useful as well as beautiful and ethically-sourced (don’t want much, do I!). Which of your products do you think fits the bill?

A: I love this question! I love giving recommendations for new baby gifts. My personal favourite are either black and white baby art cards from Wee Gallery (they can be seen by newborn babies due the contrast), bath toys from Danish brand Hevea (completely natural with no PVC or phthalates and handcrafted in Spain) or a handmade fair-trade rattle by Pebble as they are fun and I love the idea that it was made by a mother in Bangladesh who was fairly paid and fairly treated. For something that can be become a family heirloom, I would recommend an organic brushed cotton blanket from Swedish brand Fabulous Goose they are so soft and look magical; or a mei tei baby carrier from Thai Brand One Love: each one of them is handmade and one of a kind decorated with Thai or Japanese gorgeous fabric. Or if you are looking for something that will be used and useful, I would recommend a set of beauty products from Italian Linea Mamma Baby all made out of natural ingredients or the ‘magical’ silverettes: pure silver nursing cups that heal sore and cracked nipples that are so common in the first stages of breastfeeding (I wish I knew them at the time!).

Disclosure: 
I received compensation in return for publishing this post but the questions I put to Emilia are my own and, as I mentioned, I am genuinely pleased to support this great company. 

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In the last installment of Crackers for Cloth, I crunched the numbers and came up with what I thought would be the ideal reusable nappy stash. Eventually we ended up with 25 nappies for our Bean, which we were happy with. Along the way we've put a good number of different nappies through their paces, so I thought it would be good to make a little comparison. 

Below I've rated six nappies by six different companies. These comparisons are of course based entirely on my own subjective opinion, but I hope it might help if you're thinking about which nappies to buy. 

As for where to buy, if you're in the UK I can wholeheartedly recommend babipur, The Nappy Lady and Fill Your Pants*. All of these online retailers provide excellent service and often have good deals on**. If you're looking to buy used nappies, this facebook group is a great place to start.

If you've got your nappy stash all sorted but you're still wondering about the practicalities of using them, you might like these tips and tricks. 

*Disclosure: All opinions in this post are my own and links are not affiliated. No compensation or reward was provided in return for writing this post.

**A word about cheap deals. We are all for thrifty parenting here, and there is a UK-based online cloth nappy retailer (who shall remain nameless) who often has the lowest prices on the market. However, their service is no match for that of the companies I've mentioned, and in my opinion it is not worth saving a few pounds for the extra hassle of orders turning up late, incomplete, or not at all...

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We’ve had a relatively fixed bedtime routine since M was about 2 months old, consisting of all the classics: bath, book, boob/bottle, bed. One thing we have never bothered with, however, is sleep training. The idea of it seems laughable to me: why “train” your baby to do something when they change at a rate of knots and are certain to throw curveballs at you every couple of months anyway? But each to their own.

So while our bedtime routine has been set for the last two years, we have seen huge variations in M’s bedtime behaviour. There was a time he fell asleep at 7 PM, and then for a while it was 9 PM. There was about a 6-month period where we had the “holy grail” of parenting: we put him in his cot and he conked out within minutes, by himself. But we’ve also had feeding to sleep, rocking to sleep, and then when he was about 15 months he suddenly HATED being confined and the bars of the cot had to come off. That helped, but it did start the Bedtime Dance. Then at some point this summer he decided he only wanted to sleep with me, in my bed. Which was fine, until…

He threw us the mother of all curve balls and the “bed” bit of the bedtime routine just went out of the window. It happened practically on the stroke of midnight on his second birthday, as if to prove to us he’d shaken off the very last bits of babyhood. He was suddenly a Big Boy. He’d scream to be let out of the room, he’d find whatever he could to play with, he’d roll around the bed for up to 90 minutes. It was awful. There was no sleep for him, lots of tears, no evening left for the grown-ups.

So we’ve had a bedtime overhaul: we let him decide when he wants to go to bed. That’s it.

Well not really, it was hard just agreeing to give that a go. We’ve always given M autonomy in as many areas of his life as possible and we have never liked forcing him into anything, but sleep? Precious, much-needed, please-don’t-mess-with-it SLEEP? When one report after another has appeared in the past couple of years warning parents to stick to a fixed, early bedtime or else…

But we decided to give him a chance, because he’s always risen to the occasion when we’ve given him more autonomy previously. Because he probably does know best when he’s tired. Because he’s at the age where if he wants to fight you about something, he will do so for hours and there’s not a thing you can do about it (pass out while playing? Not this child). Because people do simply go to bed at different times - I struggle to stay awake past 10 PM while Mr. P&P is a proper night owl - so who are we to dictate an arbitrary “bedtime” to him? And because we simply couldn’t think of anything else (we don’t do Cry-it-Out). 

So now what we do is this: He has a bath after dinner if he wants it. He has his milk, we brush our teeth, we put on our PJs, we read a few books all curled up together in the big bed. And then we turn off the light in the bedroom.

Usually he’s off the bed and back in the living room before you’ve had a chance to whisper “goodnight”. But that’s okay. Mr P&P have a cuddle and a chat (how novel!) and M plays by himself. For the first time ever, M is playing quietly by himself. We pop our heads round the door every now and then to make sure he is neither breaking the furniture nor himself.

Sometimes he’ll be back within 10 minutes, climb into bed with me and fall asleep. Sometimes he’ll be in and out a few times, do the “I want a drink/to go potty/another kiss from Daddy” dance.

Sometimes he fights. Hard. But that’s okay. I’ll go back into the living room and help Mr P&P with the tidying up. When that’s done MR P&P will sit down to do a bit more work, and I’ll park myself on the sofa with my latest project. The rule is this: if your name is Bean and you are not at all tired, nooo siree, then you can stay up and play. Quietly. By yourself. With one or two toys out at a time. Don’t want to tidy up your toy before you get another one out? You must need to go to bed. Don’t want to play by yourself? You must be tired. Swinging from the curtain rail or trying to run off with Mama’s yarn? It MUST be time for bed. 

And so on some days we have an amicable but totally sleep-drunk toddler stumbling about for a while, until I go to bed myself and he comes with me. On others we have to step in because he’s clearly crossed the line and cart him off to bed in tears. Either way, he’ll fall asleep within 3.5 seconds.

It may not be ideal, this new bedtime routine, in the sense that he is still not falling asleep in his own bed or even by himself. It’s much, much less stressful though. All the fight has been taken out of it, and Mr P&P and I have some semblance of an evening again.

We also still have all the time in the world to get him used to falling asleep alone. He’s only just turned two, and going through huge changes (and sprouting more goddamn teeth). I’m in no hurry for him to get too big. 

Has your bedtime routine evolved over time? Have you tried letting your children put themselves to bed? Interestingly, a few days after we started this new routine, Karen from Tales of a Twin Mum shared this post about a family who do something similar. 

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