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Kirstie can say what she likes

6/6/2014

8 Comments

 
She’s clever, that Kirstie Allsopp. One interview, one opinion about how she’d want the life of her daughter (if she had one) to pan out, and BOOM. My blog feed is in a right old frenzy, my favourite feminist columnist weighs in, twitter is ablaze for days. Proper 21st-century media-tainment, this has been.

So of course I have to add my tuppence-worth. Except, I have no opinion on what Kirstie said. None at all.

I have no opinion because, in the nicest possible way (and I do want to be nice because I’ve had a Kirstie-crush for years...), her opinion is totally irrelevant. 

Irrelevant to her imaginary daughter, to all the real flesh-and-blood young women whose mothers would like them to have nice boyfriends and cute babies and be happy. And to all the young women whose mothers would like them to have a successful career and be individual and headstrong and happy. Heck, it doesn’t even matter to all the young men out there, whose parents will inevitably expect something of them as well.

Because that’s the thing about kids, isn’t it. They tend to want to do their own thing. To be reminded of this Undeniable Fact of Parenting, I just have to look at this face:
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The jutted-out chin, the clenched teeth, the unwavering stare. 

It’s a face that says “not on your nelly, Mother”. It’s the face he puts on when his idea of what should be happening is different from mine. Which is pretty much all the time, and he’s 16 months. Lord help us when he turns 16 years.

There are certain things I would love for him to do, to achieve, to be. Yes, I’ll say that above all I want him to be happy (no pressure, son). But as I’ve said before, it isn’t for me to decide. I may not be above trying reverse psychology (why yes, I think you getting a motorbike at 16 is a wonderful idea. Shall I shoe-horn my wrinkly self into some leathers so we can go for a ride together?), but I can’t tell him which direction his life should take, by which age he should or should not have children. I can’t ‘protect’ him from disappointments I suffered or make him try the things I didn’t have the courage for. The same would be true for a daughter, if I had one.

So I think this: Kirsty is entirely entitled to her opinion. Heck, you would hope she'd have one, for this imaginary daughter, as surely the one thing worse than an opinionated (or meddlesome, if you're talking to the child) parent is an indifferent one. 

But otherwise, I don't think much. Her opinion just kinda makes me laugh, slightly nervously and with another glance at THAT face. It makes me imagine how the imaginary daughter would huff and prance off into the sunset with an old rocker of a not-nice boyfriend, or go and live in a commune that despises home ownership, or realise that actually she doesn’t like babies that much. Because, you know, Kirstie said it and she just had to go and do the opposite. Because that’s what kids do. 

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8 Comments
Cheryl link
6/6/2014 06:53:51 am

A good read. Must go and read Kirstie's input, but just wanted to say that I totally agree abou indifferent parents. Encountering a lot at the moment. Easier to turn a blind eye rather than have an opinion.

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Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork link
6/11/2014 03:24:01 am

Thanks for your comment Cheryl. I'd never want to over-parent my child, but I do also find it sad when parents just don't seem that interested in what their kids do, especially as they get older. But as you say, perhaps they're taking the easy option.

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Becky link
6/6/2014 12:22:04 pm

Haha love it and oh so true! Must say I'm in the Kirsty camp as it's what I've ended up doing (bar the house buying) but I wouldn't force my daughter to do it, she would need to do what's right for her #binkylinky

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Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork link
6/11/2014 03:26:12 am

Thanks Becky! Yes, our kids do need to do what's right for them. Not least because they might live in quite a different society to ours by the time they're grown-ups. Though I think Kirstie was right in saying our society is still not set up to support women through careers AND motherhood, I live in hope...

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Emily link
6/7/2014 07:21:25 am

I like Kirsty and agree that's she entitled to her opinion. It's up to the individual at what age they have children. Thanks for linking up to the #binkylinky

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Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork link
6/11/2014 03:27:36 am

Absolutely, there's never a 'perfect' time to have kids anyway, is there. Thanks for hosting the #binkylinky

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Carie link
6/9/2014 04:09:31 pm

Oh I love this - it's so true isn't it! I think we all measured her comments (in and out of context) against our own decisions, and there's nothing more fatal than hindsight!

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Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork link
6/11/2014 03:31:38 am

That's a very good point. I think women are especially prone to comparing everyone else's life choices against our own. Just goes to show how hard these decisions are and that there is no 'one size fits' all solution! As for hindsight... Yeah. I don't think I would advise my children to go down the route I took, but I don't have any regrets so maybe I'll just try to teach them to be happy with whatever they decide!

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