You: No I’m going to nick your keyboard and smack it on the floor instead waaaaaah
Me: Let’s sit down for breakfast, do you want melon or banana
You: I want melon banana cheese milk strawberry no I’m not eating any of it waaaaaah
Me: Before you open the front door, let’s put on our shoes and coats
You: Actually I don’t want to go out anymore waaaah
Me: As you’ve pulled all the books off the shelf, shall we read one
You: No I want to go out and play with my ball waaaaaah
Me: The bubble blower is not for chewing
You: For God's sake woman let me chew
You: Waaaaaaaaaah
Me: We don’t throw our blocks
You: Waaaaaaaahh
Me: Open your mouth so I can put some teething gel on
You: *clenches mouth shut*
Me: *Almost Waaaaaah*
You: Waaaaaaah (quick get the gel in)
Me: WAAAAAAHH
You: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
(shit the shitty gel doesn’t work why did ever think this baby thing was a good idea they’re put on this earth to torture us and why am I such a shit parent that I can’t even take your pain away I can’t deal with another sleepless night)
And then. Then you put those tiny arms around my neck. Then you grabbed me by the ears and made me kiss your forehead. Then you fell asleep with your head on my belly.
And then I knew I wanted you to stay right here forever, grumpiness, never-ending teething, shitty gel and all.