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Hush mama...

11/4/2014

18 Comments

 
There’s a brand new baby next door. Just a week old, all curled-up limbs and downy softness and mewling cries. Along with her, there are brand new parents. Two people who, for the very first time, know what it means when the distinction between night and day doesn’t really matter, who feel that little bean of a baby curl up on their chest with her belly full of milk, who smell faintly of missed sleep and muslins and reheated soup.

Through the paper-thin walls of our flat I can hear the tiny girl crying and her daddy padding the floor, whispering to her. I can hear her mummy’s phone ringing - another well wisher, another concerned family member, another excited friend.

The sounds make all the memories come flooding back, of when my own Bean was as tiny and helpless as this new soul.
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The sounds also make me want to talk. But I mustn’t.

So the baby hates her cot and will only sleep in daddy’s arms - I know! M did that for 16 days straight! Have you tried a hot water bottle and a …
No. Hush mama.

So she will only drink from one boob and we’ve had to buy a pump for the other - Yes! Good! What brand did you buy and Oh I remember when M…
No. Hush mama.

So she hasn’t yet recovered her birth weight and we don’t want her to catch cold and - It’s okay! Because, you know, she’s filling her nappies and so she must be fine, and you really don’t need to worry about…
Stop it mama. Hush.

Hush because it’s their baby to get to know, their feet to find as parents. Hush because you know, you remember, not just your own Bean’s cries but everyone’s else attempts to shush him, to prove They Knew Babies, to show you the hundreds of things you had yet to learn. Hush because you didn’t need their advice, in the end. Hush because they don’t need yours.

Hush, but open your ears and listen when they want to talk. Hush, but get cooking and bring them some stew or flapjacks. Hush, but open your arms and cuddle that little person so her mama can have a shower or a cup of tea. Just hush and be there, mama.

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18 Comments
Donna link
11/4/2014 06:22:12 am

Oh what a lovely post. ALl that advice you get from well meaning friends, relatives, neighbours, strangers in the supermarket... But how lovely for them to have their baby. Those first days are magical, amazing and exhausting! x

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Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork link
11/7/2014 03:37:36 am

There's not really anything like those first days, is there? Hearing the baby cry has brought it all back! x

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Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely link
11/4/2014 06:58:36 am

Oh, how I wish you were my neighbour when my two were born! So many people want to help but all I needed was a hot cup of tea, a huge sandwich, the biggest piece of cake, and someone to sit with the boys while I had a shower AND washed my hair. That would have been the best gift in the world x

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Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork link
11/7/2014 03:38:55 am

To be honest, that is precisely what I really wanted too and I didn't get it either! Though if and when there's another baby I might be a bit more vocal about what I need... x

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rosie
11/5/2014 05:33:12 am

This is so sweat, made me well up. I blame hormones ;) and your beautiful writing.

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Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork link
11/7/2014 03:40:06 am

Aw, thank you :-) You can definitely blame hormones though - the sound of the baby has been enough to make me well up a few times too!

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Carie link
11/5/2014 01:54:45 pm

Oh this is so sweet - and yes, I needed you to live next door to me and bring me stew - I seem to remember a stream of people all needing feeding when Kitty was tiny - we ate a lot of take out!!

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Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork link
11/7/2014 03:43:11 am

Oh, we still get take out quite often when people come over... Isn't that terrible? I don't have anywhere near enough energy, even though I always used to be a "feeder".

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Jenny link
11/5/2014 02:30:55 pm

WOW this is absolutely brilliant and so true. As parents we rush to say something that might shed light. or help, or encourage but if we remember all we should do is the latter in which you said listen and be there for them. Thank you so much for linking up Share With Me #sharewithme

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Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork link
11/7/2014 03:45:05 am

Yes, the urge to help is so strong! I don't think there's anything wrong with that really, but your needs when you have a newborn are just so particular...

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mummytries link
11/5/2014 11:42:34 pm

You are such a lovely lady, every person needs you in their lives. It's so tempting to talk about our own experiences isn't it, but in a situation like this it's probably best to just listen... there's a line in a childrens books that goes something like 'a wise old owl lived in an oak, the more he saw the less he spoke, the less he spoke the more he heard, why can't we all be like that wise old bird'? Not calling you an 'old bird' of course but it feels very appropriate here #brilliantblogposts

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Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork link
11/7/2014 03:47:59 am

Aw, thank you for your lovely comment! I think we're all tempted to talk about our parenting experiences because they are so life-changing and significant to us, but as every family is different I just don't think it's that helpful. I have to admit though, not speaking is hard!

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Ickle Pickle link
11/6/2014 07:03:45 am

Aaaawwww this is so lovely! Mumma knows best, just BE with your bubba and get to know each other x x

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Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork link
11/7/2014 03:46:02 am

Mumma does know best, although isn't it hard to remember in the first few weeks? It certainly was for me! x

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Seychellesmama link
11/6/2014 06:41:32 pm

Ahhh this is so beautifully written, one of my fav posts of yours!!
It's so so true every word!!! Xxx

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Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork link
11/7/2014 03:48:36 am

Aw, thank you so much lovely! x

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ghostwritermummy link
11/7/2014 01:28:22 pm

This post has made me cry!! Just beautiful. What an adventure it all is x x x

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honestmum link
11/9/2014 02:57:36 pm

Such a beautiful post, I wish this could be sent out to everyone before they visit a newborn! So much well-meaning help that does the opposite. Hope your neighbours enjoy the stew and flapjacks! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts

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